24th of May, 2017
- Warning: This post gets a little dark at times. It’s hopefully uplifting too. -
Highlighted in this photo is my District's Science Fair!
I caught up with an old friend earlier this month and she
asked me – “What has been the hardest part of Peace Corps so far?”. I began by responding with my
classic go-to answer “Portuguese
of course!”. When I arrived, I barely
remembered any of my Spanish from high school and had to communicate with my
host family without being able to express thoughts with my words. It’s hard living in a community for 3
months where you cannot communicate with words. It’s mentally challenging and exhausting. It’s frustrating not being able to
express yourself and feeling trapped in your own head because you cannot
express fluid thoughts and every sentence is like forced vomit.
After replying, I realized that was not the entire truth.
Yes, learning a new language has been very trying. If you know me, I love being
challenged. I have a tendency to look for challenges and thrive when the
gauntlet is thrown down, even when it’s me
throwing down the gauntlet to challenge myself. I have loved learning
Portuguese and I loved having to communicate without being able to speak. It forced
me to find other ways other than language to connect with other people.
Realizing that language has not been the hardest part of my
experience, I ended up responding again. In reality, it’s the constant tragedy that has been the hardest part. And
what scares me the most is I’m
slowly becoming normalized to it. Little by little it has become a part of my
life, a part of reality, and I am becoming desensitized to the lives around me.
That’s the vague answer so let me
continue by sharing a few stories.
-Since arriving at site (including my 2 week stay in
November before we finished training), two professors passed away at the high
school and middle school in Namuno. I went to the funeral and could not have
felt more out of place because I had never met the fellow teacher.
-I have become friends with one of the English teachers who
teachers the same grades as I do. He normally teaches 8-A, 8-B, and 8-C right
before or after I do. This trimester he had seemed to vanish and I had asked the
8th graders where he was and they said they didn’t know. Two weeks ago he returned and
explained that he got jumped in the bairro (neighborhood). He had a
masssssssive scar on his neck and said 5 men attacked him with machetes. He was
in the hospital for 5 weeks.
-I was out for a run
and someone I had never met joined me and ran with me. I told him I was running
13km (8mi) and he said “Okay,
can I run with you?”. Of course, I said yes.
While we were running, I learned that he was 19 years old. He had 1 child, a
little girl. He used to go to school but midway through 11th grade
his father passed away. He had to drop out of school and take care of his
family. What struck me the most was that I was not surprised about the death of
his father. I’m growing accustomed to
meeting people in their late teens or 20s who are without parents. The entire
run this friend ran barefoot.
-In my 8-B class there are two students who normally sit in
the front left. Manuel sits closer to the aisle and Jacinto normally sat closer
to the wall. I had noticed that Jacinto had not shown up to class for several
weeks. I asked Manuel where Jacinto was and said he did not know. He said he
has not seen Jacinto for weeks and that he probably died. I was like “Died?!? What do you mean!?!” Manuel replied that Jacinto was
doing well in school (he was at least passing math with a 12/20 which is seen
as a strong grade here). Since he was doing well and no one has seen him for
several weeks Manuel just assumes he died. I have no idea if he did or did not
die – what I do know is that
Manuel’s first assumption is death.
That says a lot about what people in my community are accustomed too.
-Two weeks ago, I gave a test to my 8th graders. Last
week a student came up and asked if he could make up the test. I asked him why
he wasn’t in class. Almost in tears,
he responded that his father passed away. Crying is a fairly big deal here and
I have little reason to believe he was lying or faking it.
-Last week I was doing a HIV/AIDs activity with my JUNTOS
group (Juntos is like a youth program for high schoolers). After about an hour
of HIV/AIDs activities and discussions, one of our 11th graders
stood up and asked if he could give a speech. He’s
clearly very nervous and seems like he might break into tears. His breath is
heavy and he is shaking his hands as if they are sweating heavily. He began
explaining everything about HIV/AIDs. How it works, how it spreads, how to
prevent it, and how to treat it once you have it. When he is done he asks if we
could prepare speeches to give at the school. I could only assume that with his
knowledge and passion, either he has HIV/AIDs or he has a close friend/relative
who does.
-Walking around Namuno I see a lot of children with fat
stomachs. Sadly, fat stomachs generally do not mean the children have been
eating a lot. It usually always means the child has worms or a parasite in
their stomach. I see way too many young children with enlarged stomachs.
These are a handful of the stories that are making me
accustomed to death and tragedy. I am one who empathizes and when I cannot empathize,
I sympathize. The hardest part of my Peace Corps experience thus far is
becoming desensitized to pain and suffering –
allowing it to become a norm, my norm. I am trying to remind myself that this
is bullshit. This may be the way it is, but it is not the way it has to be.
This may be the reality but that does not mean it should be the reality.
With all of that said, I have a lot of ups going on in my
life as well. I was at the carpenter’s and a
grandma called me over from across the street. In a friendly tone she started a
conversation and she had me laughing real hard. At one point she was like, “you’re clearly
hungry so eat this corn.” It was
not said as a question. I could only help but laugh and eat the corn.
Afterward, she was like “Okay I
know you’re busy so go on now and get
your work done. And next time, don’t just
pass by. You have to at least say good morning mama kidda!”.
As far as work life, I am making a ton of progress with my 8th
graders. My 8-C class had over 50% of the students pass the last test with a
15/20 or above. My students are starting to get the hang of “Practice, practice, practice” – my in-class
methodology. Two of my classes are also starting to tell me when they don’t understand the material we are
covering. They still won’t tell
me which part they don’t understand,
but they’ll at least raise their hand
and say “Teacher I don’t understand”. And when that happens, I become so stupidly excited!
They’re telling me when they’re confused!! It may sound silly, but
from where we started in late January, this is a win in my book.
I have 3 different groups of neighborhood kids that like to
come and play at my house. They like to color, draw, and play with some of our
sports activities. The last few times I’ve had
to leave site I’ve passed at least one of the
groups and they start chanting my name – which sounds
something like “Dan-yell-y! Dan-yell-y!”. When I’ve returned to site I always pass one of the groups and
they great me as I return, running up to me and shaking my hand, giving me a
fist bump, and asking if we can play. The neighborhoods kids make Namuno feel
like home. They chant my name as I leave and greet me as I return.
Namuno is my home right now, and it feels like home.
Sometimes life is bullshit but I try to remind myself that just because
something is the way it is, that does not mean it must be that way.
When I originally was going to write this update a few weeks
ago I was going to write about teachers not showing up to class, students
showing up late because the sun is rising later and few people have phones,
energy, or an alarm clock. I figured writing up a short reflection about the
thoughts in my head is hopefully a bit more interesting than talking about a
broken system (I mean let’s be
real – Most countries probably have
broken systems or at least systems that need a lot of improvement). Plus,
reflecting is what helps us learn and grow. Experience, reflect, re-act. #JesuitInfluence
Until next month,
~Daniel Bladow
"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different" - C.S. Lewis
"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different" - C.S. Lewis
"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different" - C.S. Lewis
